The One Thing I Am Most Proud Of Is

The One Thing I Am Most Proud Of Is...

...my strength.

I don't mean how I can pick up a 50 lb dog and lift them onto a table, at my job.  I mean how I've overcome a boatload of shit...and am still here to talk about it.

Almost two years ago, however, was a different story.  I felt like I was dying on the inside.  That the person I was intended to be, was like a bird in a cage.  Pretty to look at, sometimes kind of noisy, but otherwise trapped; never allowed to spread her wings and fly.

The only sunshine in my otherwise bleak world was my children.  Spending all day, every day with them lit me up.  But, when I wasn't with them, I was miserable.  Nights when they were tucked in, or at a friend's house, I buried myself in free books on kindle, so I could escape to places that weren't real or be a part of a story that wasn't my own.

A chain of events changed so much for me.  One day, I sat on the lid of the toilet and considered the least painful way to end my life.  I could take a handful of pills and just fall asleep, never to wake again.  Any other possibility was too painful to fathom.  I couldn't inflict physical pain on myself.  At least a bottle of benadryl would be an easy descent to the beyond.

And then, the tears came.  The thought of not seeing my babies grow up, get married, have families of their own.  Of never seeing my children graduate high school or dress for prom.  I'd miss everything.  And, even though my pain would cease, if I succeeded, my children would be hurt forever.  My youngest, who was just 1 year old, would never remember me.  Especially because no one would want to talk about the woman who cowardly abandoned her children.

I couldn't do that to them.  I wouldn't do that to them.  So, I made the hardest decision of my life.  One that still causes me heartache.  
I walked away from everything.  No money, no car, no job...and literally walked away.  

My older kids knew it was coming, because I didn't hide shit from them.  They knew how hurt I was.  How much pain I was in.  They didn't understand, of course, but they knew I was doing something that was best for me, at the moment, so that I could be better & healthy for them, down the road.

I struggled for awhile.  But, deep inside, I knew I had the strength to continue on.  I had the fire in me to follow my passion...follow my path.  I was finally free to be myself.  A feeling I hadn't had in over 15 years.  

So, I pulled my big girl panties up, fought depression once again, and got a job, got a place to live, got a car and started working on my credit. 

I went through a ton of transitions.  I saw my kids as much as possible.  I went through a divorce.  And, then, I started focusing on my future.  I needed to set big goals for myself and walk baby steps to get there.

This year, I am positioned to make a 6 figure income.  It is taking a great deal of work.  And, in that I feel stronger.  My strength isn't a physical one.  It's my strength of character.  My mental strength.  It's my commitment to myself and to my children that reminds me to keep strong and keep moving forward.

Now, I help women shift their mindset.  I encourage, empower and equip them to create a life they love.  To break through limiting beliefs.  To set goals for themselves.  To take action steps to move them forward.

In helping others, I become stronger.  In coaching other women, I fuel my purpose-driven, passion-filled life.  No, everything isn't sunshine and lollipops.  Not yet, anyway.  :)  

But, everything is coming together.  Everything is moving forward.  I hit obstacles and sometimes my mindset takes a hit; my strength waivers.  But, only until I am with my kids again, and feel that fire again.  

I have to be the woman I was created to be; only then can I teach my children the possibilities that are wide open for them.

So, that's my story, so far.  This new chapter is full of twists and turns, but the plot is compelling.  I'm looking forward to all that is to come; good, bad and neutral.  Every thing is a chance to learn & grow.  And, from that, I can teach others.   

Thank you for reading my story.  If you have read this far, perhaps you can relate to my story; perhaps it resonates with you on some level.  Perhaps, you need someone like me, in your life, right now.  Someone to give you hand up, some direction and help you free that beautiful caged bird (that's you hon).

I'd love to hear your comments, feedback and questions.  Just leave a comment below.  <3

Your life is an occasion; rise to it!

Joy